Ambushed by instagram memories. We were such a happy couple on the same day a year ago. You were packing my luggage then as I tried to bring the blanket you made for me. I was so frustrated about arranging things, and you stepped in, calmed me down, and helped. I successfully brought the blanket aboard, and it accompanied me like you through the entire year, especially on those freezing nights by the Great Lakes. In fact, it’s still lying on my bed now, along with the dragon you gave me at my last birthday in Taipei. The last birthday we were together. Healing is a process where one day I feel like I’ve taken one step forward, and the next day I find myself taking three steps backward. I thought I could control my emotions, but I still burst into tears today when I saw that story. If we’re still together, I would repost the story and say “look how much my love cares about me”. Everyone would send smile and jealous reactions to our love story. However, our story changed in a way we never expected. But I can’t send you the memories. I really hope I can tell you how much I cherish our shared memories. I don’t know if my messages, any kind of messages, are another source of stress for you, or if they are also what you hope to see. I realized that maybe we both had difficulties showing our most vulnerable sides to each other. You wanted me to trust you with my feelings, and you also needed to feel safe enough to share your struggles with me. I hope you know that you don’t need to be perfect in front of me. You can tell me when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or struggling. I don’t need you to always be strong. We both want the best for each other, but somehow it makes us distant from each other… My therapist said I have an analytic mind. I try, still trying, to find the problem and then the solution. She said most of students from my department did the same thing. But relationship aren’t cases on our desks. We can’t write a statement about it and find a perfect strategy. It’s not an one person issue. Well, you’re an engineer, so I always thought you would be the problem-solving type. I should be the emotional and sensitive one. Somehow, I’m the one here trying to identify and solve the problem. It’s a little ironic. You’re the one who always has a solution for the past few years. Maybe this time, we both learned that some things cannot be solved only by logic. Some things need time, patience, and understanding. I’m still learning how to understand this change in our relationship. For me, what we had was meaningful, and I’m grateful for the time we shared. I know I can’t control how our story continues. I can only be honest about what this relationship has meant to me. Even though this is so painful and overwhelming, I still won’t regret to meet you, hold your hand, and walk together for a short time in our lives. I’m grateful that universe brought you to me. Every second with you was filled with laughs and love. I know you never doubt my love, but you can’t trust our love won’t hurt you. Rebuilding trust is a long long way. I don’t know when you will feel safe again. I just hope that someday, when you feel ready, you’ll be able to see that what we had was something worth protecting.